Lessons From The School Run

We arrived in the school playground yesterday morning, running late after a porridge-in-the-baby’s-hair situation. I gave Reubs a quick goodbye squeeze, a token “I love you” and with a nudge on the back, I ushered him to “go, go, go”. When I had nearly reached the car again I heard “MUMMMM” exclaimed from across the playground. Collectively all the ‘mummmms’ turned around and discovered I was the one being summoned. We all waited with raised eyebrows to hear what Reuben had forgotten. He bellowed, “I’ll be praying for you and I hope you’ll be praying for me too!”

I shouted “Of course!”, laughing as I gave a sheepish smile to the others and ducked into the car.

“Did he really just say that?”

This morning I braced myself when I heard “MUMMMM” again. He shouted the exact same thing, with an adorable smile and a twinkle in his eye. I nodded enthusiastically and darted into the car again.

He really meant it. He really did listen all those times I’d prayed on the car journey or whispered in his ear at the school gates, “I love you and I’ll be praying for *insert specific prayer request of an almost-8 year old*.

But my internal reaction bothered me. As I remembered the looks of the other mums, I couldn’t believe it when I realised. My heart sank.

I was embarrassed.

Isn’t this the kind of unashamed boldness I’ve always wanted for him? Don’t I repeatedly tell him, “Following Jesus will make you different. Some people won’t get it. But He will make you brave and He is always worth it”? Isn’t it hypocritical that I’m the embarrassed one? Ugh. 

It turns out I need Jesus to make me brave. Brave for myself and brave for my children. It turns out when Jesus said his kingdom belongs to those who become like little children, it was the real deal.

Adult faith sucks. I need more of that needy, bold, innocent, childlike faith.

Faith that feels like shouting instead of feeling sheepish. Faith that hasn’t been watered down by the world. Faith that hasn’t been made doubtful by depression. Faith that hasn’t been made hidden by humiliation. Faith that isn’t dependent on who’s around, but totally dependent on Jesus.

These kids. Just when you think they’re done teaching you.